When I was young, the common wisdom in dealing with a bully was simply to fight back. The understanding was that the bully was out looking for easy targets. The target’s job was to complicate it. My first run-in with a bully happened in the second grade. It was a pack of third graders roaming the playground looking for trouble. I got cornered with the four square ball and was forced to give it up.

That weekend my father decided it was time for me to learn to defend myself. He showed me how to make a fist with my thumb on the outside and to twist at the waist for more power. We practiced the motion together until he felt I was ready. “Alright, now take what I showed you and hit me as hard as you can in the stomach.” He crouched down.  I wound up and swung. Dad crumpled to the floor. I thought I was a superhero. I’d punched him in the nuts.

But back at school, the belief that I could defend myself, realistically or not, seemed to work. The bullying ended. Unfortunately today it is not so simple. Encouraging your kid to fight can lead to more trouble or be a pathway to becoming a bully themselves. With weapons in schools and the new threat of cyber-bullying, fathers need to implement a new arsenal of skills to keep their children safe and thriving.

The following are tips to help your child handle school bullying.

• Deal with the situation early and quickly. It is important to consider that all instances of bullying are meaningful to your child. The effects when left unmitigated include dropping grades, losing friends, and plummeting self-esteem. Contact your child’s school and learn about the school policy and how to access available resources.

• Involve the parents of the bully, but be tactful. Often the bully’s parents are unaware of their child’s schoolyard role. Also remember that the family background, with child as the victim, may be contributing to their bullying behaviors.

• Model the behavior with your child. Role-play the situation with dad as the bully. Do not instruct your child to fight back. Instead teach your son or daughter how to diffuse the situation. Just like with me, the empowerment and self confidence that I could handle the situation was what stopped the bullying, not any real ability to fight.

• Cyber-bullying tends to be more psychologically based than a direct physical threat. It is also typically outside the sphere of school. Don’t treat it as any less of a threat to your child’s safety. When up to 700 million accomplices can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real. If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online or any threats are made to your child, contact your local law enforcement agency. WiredSafety.org is an important resource for parents seeking more information. Additionally, their trained cyber-harassment volunteers can work with police to help evaluate the case.