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 Video cameras and parenthood go together like peanut butter and jelly. I have watched the evolution of the portable video camera parents have lugged around with them for three decades. I remember the shoulder-mounted beasts with the VHS (or Beta) cassette inside, a camera larger than you would see paparazzi run the streets with today. Next was the “Palm Cam” packed with indecipherable features and micro-cassettes which eventually morphed into digital video storage.
The newest revolution is the Flip Video camera, a pocket-sized video camera that instead of being packed with funky dials and adjustments tries to keep it simple. Start, Stop, and Zoom. And because of its size and simplicity, I find this camera out with us way more than our, (dare I say), dated Palm Cam. The other nice feature of this camera is the built-in Flipshare software. Cropping raw video into mini-movies is intuitive and makes it easy to post to social media or burn DVDs to send to the grandparents.
The camera has a built in USB that swings out and can be plugged directly into your computer for download. Very convenient feature that saves the trouble of hunting down the right cord for the job. I do worry about the weight of the camera hanging off the USB, but it has been two years now and we’ve had no issues with it yet. There is a cord you can use to download if you worry about the same thing. For me the convenience has trumped the concern.
The resolution of earlier versions of the Flip Video cameras did not match up with their larger cousins, but with the introduction of HD, the gap between the two has closed.
For parents, I find the Flip Video is an especially great choice if you find yourself saying, “Man, I wish I had a camera right now!” Toss it in a pocket or diaper bag and you’re ready to go. The design and software are simple to use but not limiting. It is, by far, our camera of choice.
For more details or to purchase a Flip Video HD, Click Here.
 When I was nine, I went through a typical 1970’s style divorce. I say “I” because though my parents were affected financially and structurally by divorce proceedings, the process was meant to put their relationship problems behind them. Despite the discomfort of having to relive these issues in the courtroom, the benefit of divorce ultimately goes to the parents. There’s an old joke that goes, “Why is divorce so expensive?” The answer, “Because it’s worth it!” For their children it is just the beginning of some major life overhauls and challenges that come from separated parenting.
As was customary back then, my mother got custody of my sister and I and my father went off to rent an apartment furnished with plastic lawn furniture. I can tell you that the relationship with my father changed completely after the divorce. He was an active dad in our pre-divorce life. He was my baseball coach and Boy Scout leader. He dragged me out fishing at god-awful hours in the morning. He showed up to my track meets. But after the divorce, his involvement faded away almost immediately. My sister and I visited him every other weekend with sleeping bags in tow. Other than graduations and my wedding, I can’t remember a time when both my parents came to the same event again.
I don’t want to imply that I am bitter about my experience. This was the reality, and it happens over and over again to children of divorce. More important is to understand the effect divorce relationships have on children. In surveys conducted by the National Opinion Research Center, researchers found that the divorce rate for male children of divorce was 35 percent higher than male children from intact families. Female children of divorce were 60 percent more likely to undergo divorce or separation in adulthood compared to a similar population from intact families. A major reason for this failure rate is the lack of a role model for marital or parental relationships. The sense of commitment to lifelong partnership has been dissolved. There can also be a slew of behavioral issues related to feelings of abandonment. So as a divorcing parent, what can you do for your child to help break the pattern? Becoming a good co-parent is one solution.
The philosophy of co-parenting maintains that both parents keep a stable relationship with their children by working together. Despite their choices as a couple or how attractive it might seem to cut all ties with a former flame, parents make the choice to maintain an active parental relationship for the benefit of their children. Through regular conversation and perhaps mediated counseling, parents can still make decisions together on the best outcomes for their children. The idea is that this approach provides greater stability to the child’s life and models a parenting relationship that children can reflect upon when they become parents themselves.
Sounds great in theory, sure, but is it really possible? It can seem overwhelming to set aside the history that destroyed the relationship with your former partner. Deesha Philyaw, co-creator of Co-Parenting 101 with her ex-husband says, “Divorce hurts, no matter how well you manage to work things out. Actively engaging in conflict drains emotional, financial, and even physical resources that could be used instead to enhance the quality of life after a break up.” As a parent you have to decide if your child’s interpersonal growth is worth getting past the awkwardness of making shared decisions, or even just seeing one another at drop-offs.
With time, Deesha says being able to cooperate and focus on their children helped the healing the process for everyone. “Having a co-parent helps me to feel hopeful in the difficult times because I don’t have to go it alone. I have the benefit of a parenting partner in my children’s father. It’s great to be able to share the parenting load with someone who loves my children and knows them just as well as I do. We put our heads and resources together to help our children thrive physically, emotionally, socially, and at school.”
When parents set aside their own discomfort for the benefit of their children many of the effects of divorce can be lessened. Practicing co-parenting maintains similar rules between households, discipline remains consistent, and schedules stay the same. This consistency helps to calm behavioral issues with children during divorce. When parents continue to solve issues together, their children learn how to effectively solve interpersonal problems themselves. Parents model a positive pattern their children can follow. Deesha says that though her entire family has benefited from co-parenting the greatest benefit was the impact it had on their children. “No child experiences divorce unscathed and our healing as a family is on-going, but I feel that we’ve been able to give our girls second-best, after our marriage did not work out—and that is a family that loves them and is committed to their well-being, albeit across two households. Our children know that we love them enough to put our differences aside and parent together in a way that allows them the freedom to spend time with both of us and love both of us without feeling conflicted or worrying about “loyalty.” By co-parenting, we are recognizing that our children need both of us actively in their lives. We are honoring the whole of who they are.”
To learn more about co-parenting visit:
Co-Parenting 101. A blog created by Deesha Philyaw and her co-parenting partner Michael Thomas. It is a very well written account of their successful co-parenting experience and includes resources to guide others.
For Our Children, Learning to Work Together. This is a free Co-Parenting Guide produced by the Office of the Attorney General of Texas. The guide walks you through each step from legal information to sample parenting plans.
 Earth Day is a great reminder of a parent’s responsibility to teach their children about the natural world around them. As a former park ranger, I remember showing children the plants and animals in their local environments, seeing their surprise as they touched the pelt of a coyote or tracked raccoons down by the creekside. It was both fulfilling and disappointing knowing that I may have been the first person to show them the things that they only read about or saw in videos. I still believe getting dirt under their nails is the most engaging learning experience a child can have.
Something as simple as taking your child for a walk around a local park can impart an understanding of the environment. Get them to focus on the smaller details; the way a chain of ants climb a willow tree, or the veins running through a maple leaf. Grab a guide book and teach them how to identify plants in the field. Remember that with budget cuts in public education and a selective focus on specific classroom subjects, the philosophy of field trips has shifted from broadening a student’s understanding of science, literature, mathematics or history, to being considered counterproductive. Nature’s lessons, more than ever, are up to you.
Here are three great activities to get you started.
SCAVENGER HUNT
A scavenger hunt is a playful way to get children invested in the details of their natural world. The best part of this activity is that it is transferable to a variety of environments. Write a list of natural items on the outside of a paper lunch bag. Be specific. Include some man-made items. Items such as a white feather, a pointy leaf, a green rock, a twig shaped in an “L”, or a silver bottle cap. All the items must be small enough to fit into the bag. At the end, sort through their treasures. Ask them where the item came from, and how it might have gotten there. Have them re-hide their collection before the next game. For a different perspective, make it a “Micro Hunt” where everything they find has to fit into a mint tin.
GEOCACHING
This is perhaps the best activity to get you out into places you’ve never thought of going. Geocaching provides an end goal which helps to engage children. It is an adult version of a treasure hunt, searching for millions of hidden goodies all around the world. There are geocaches everywhere from Disney World to Yosemite. The easiest caches simply list their GPS coordinates. The harder ones involve some sort of clue or puzzle to find the location. Go to GeoCaching.com for a listing of geocache sites. You will be surprised how many are right in your neighborhood. If you don’t have a GPS, I recommend the Garmin GPSMap 60Cx. I like it because of its non-glare color screen, intuitive use, and accuracy. It is also versatile. Use it in the car, boat, or field. Believe me, you’ll need a boat to find some of the crazy spots more difficult caches are hidden.
STARWATCH PARTY
Set up tents in the back yard. Pretend the tents are planets. Let the children decide which planet they want to be. (Watch out for the one that picks Uranus. He’s your troublemaker.) Set up viewing stations, blankets on the grass where they can look up and identify constellations. Let them make up their own. Binoculars are adequate to look at the moon, but for better views of the planets buy, borrow, or rent a telescope for the night. Sky maps and star wheels are available at education stores or can be downloaded from SkyMaps.com. Grill outside, and serve astronaut food (tang and freeze dried ice cream) as treats.
SEED SURPRISE
When hiking, we see seeds everywhere. They cover the ground and stick in our socks. They are carried in the wind. Bring these home with them and plant in small paper cups. Once they grow large enough to see the shape of the leaf, the color of the flower, or the scent, go for a hike. See if you can match the seedling to a plant in the wild.
 When I was young, the common wisdom in dealing with a bully was simply to fight back. The understanding was that the bully was out looking for easy targets. The target’s job was to complicate it. My first run-in with a bully happened in the second grade. It was a pack of third graders roaming the playground looking for trouble. I got cornered with the four square ball and was forced to give it up.
That weekend my father decided it was time for me to learn to defend myself. He showed me how to make a fist with my thumb on the outside and to twist at the waist for more power. We practiced the motion together until he felt I was ready. “Alright, now take what I showed you and hit me as hard as you can in the stomach.” He crouched down. I wound up and swung. Dad crumpled to the floor. I thought I was a superhero. I’d punched him in the nuts.
Continue reading Dealing with Bullies
 I was picking through some old notes I wrote when the boys first came into our life and found something called, “Things Parents Won’t Tell You Before You Have Children”. At the time I was convinced there was a conspiracy, particularly on the mother’s side, to lure non-breeders into parenthood by never saying a negative thing about the effects children will have on your life. Now they didn’t out-and-out lie. I’d say it was more purposefully vague. They said things like, “I can’t imagine my life without them,” or “You’ll truly understand what it means to live for another person.” At the time I didn’t realize these statements could be taken more than one way. The parents sold it with a cult-like glow. But once our boys came along, their expression changed. Suddenly this all-knowing smirk appeared on their faces when I would ask, “Why for God’s sake would a child do THAT with a dirty diaper?!!”
Some of my warnings for future parents included:
- Pack up your wine glasses, you won’t need them anymore. Oh you’ll need the wine, but the glasses are just target practice for their gross motor skills.
- Accept that all remaining bachelor items are hazardous to children. Lava Lamp=Oil, Wax, Heat & Electricity.
- Surround Sound is gone. Any speaker wires running in baseboard will be yanked out like weed roots.
- A dining room table’s new purpose is for storage of all the scavenged items taken away from children. Note to self: Need larger, taller table.
- You will not have white carpet, even if you do.
- You will learn a new skill: Computer Repair. Getting a computer to go to blue screen is like solving a Rubik’s Cube to a toddler.
- Your entire circle of friends will rotate. The people with kids you haven’t seen in years? Suddenly you are planning play dates and birthday parties together. Your hip friends that decided they didn’t want children? “Boy, it feels like we haven’t seen them in forever.”
Now I never published the piece, which I suppose adds me to the conspiracy. But I also think it is because you come to understand the ambiguous phrases that parents share with you better once the children arrive. I believe that when parents said, “I can’t imagine my life without them,” it was meant as a balance of the challenge and the reward that parenting brings. What I was noting above were such small adaptations of being a father. They are the minor symptoms related to the major change in your life and identity. And I love the big ways that fatherhood has changed me.
Better perhaps is to say, “You will become a different person, quickly.” This way it gives an appropriate weight to the metamorphosis you are about to undergo. That would cure me of believing that parents weren’t clear with me about the parenting experience on purpose. And if we can just get rid of that all-knowing smirk after the plunge, I’d certainly be convinced.
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